Letter to a Friend

Want to understand what you, a friend, or a family member is going through with Panic Attacks? I came across this incredibly powerful letter in the book Triumph Over Fear: A Book of Help and Hope for People with Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Phobias, by Jerilyn Ross.  I encourage you to read it whether or not you know someone suffering with the disorder now because you just may in the future.  All rights go to Dr. Jeriyln Ross for this powerful letter.  Feel free to read her wonderful book!

Dear Friend: 

       There is something about me that I would like to tell you about.  I suffer from anxiety disorder, and I am currently learning techniques that are helping me overcome it.

       Phobic or panic disorders are NOT associated with "insanity" nor are they the result of laziness, selfishness, or emotional weakness.  They come from having repeated panic attacks: involuntary, frightening reactions that my either come "out of the blue" or be provoked by specific situations.  These panic attacks cannot be reasoned away and often lead to avoidance of specific places or situations.

       Imagine the terror you would feel if you were stuck standing in the middle of a 6-lane highway with cars coming at you at 100 MPH.  Think of the physiological sensations you would experience: increased heart rate, muscles tremble, chest tightens and pounds.  You'd be weak at the knees and break out in a cold sweat.  During that split-second in which you thought you were going to be hit by a car, you would feel dizzy and disoriented--and you would certainly have an overwhelming desire to ESCAPE.  All these physical sensations would come at once. 

       Now, imagine how you would feel if that same intensity of fear came upon you for absolutely no reason while you were standing in line to pay for groceries, riding an elevator, or just walking out of your house.  Then imagine if the fear reoccurred each time you even THOUGHT about that situation.  Imagine your EMBARRASSMENT and HUMILIATION if no one else felt as you do in these situations and people told you, "Don't be silly, there is nothing wrong!"  That's a scary and LONELY feeling, isn't it?

       If you are fortunate enough never to have had a panic attack, I cannot expect you to really understand the fear and shame I suffer as a result of it.  But I do ask you to believe that what I feel is very REAL and FRIGHTENING to me.

       I know this seems irrational and unrealistic.  Intellectually, it seems this way to me too and that makes it even more difficult.  In the past I have tried to hide my fear from other people because I was afraid of being ridiculed and misunderstood.  But I no longer feel I have to hide behind a mask.  It is a tremendous relief for me to be able to share this with you.

       You can help me by simply "being with me" when I am feeling panicky.  Knowing that I am with someone who will not laugh at me or force me into a situation that I feel I cannot handle is a great source of comfort to me.  Once that pressure is removed, I am often more able to confront the anxiety-provoking situation step by step.

       Knowing that I CAN LEAVE a situation at any time also helps alleviate my anxiety and makes confronting my fears easier, so please allow me that OPTION.  And respect my efforts to face my fears, however small these efforts may seem.

       I know that I have to face my fears to get over them, and I am being taught how to do this in a systematic way.  At times, the ways in which I approach things may seem strange to you, but I am learning to use specific techniques that have helped others to cope with their panic attacks and lead normal lives.

       I am excited about the positive changes that are taking place in my life and am greatly relieved to be actively working on my problem.  I am most appreciative to you for your support and understanding.