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Friday, 24 August 2012

Coming Out of the Closet!

No, not like that. Let me explain. The other day, I visited my therapist at ASDI and she gave me another wonderful analogy about anxiety and panic attacks.  "See, Anxiety plays by it's own set of rules," she said, "and if we continue to play by it's rules, anxiety will ALWAYS win. It's like if I ask you to play basketball with me.  But my rules state that every time you get the ball, you have to pass it to me and stand still until I make a basket.  I'm always going to win.

What happens with anxiety is that we are always acting defensively--we feel our heart beating fast, our chest tighten, etc. and then we react with panic--fight or flight, searching for danger.  Instead, we must play by our OWN rules and be OFFENSIVE in our thinking. Instead of avoiding situations that cause anxiety, we must actively seek out anxiety and then apply the strategies learned to handle the sensations. Basically tell anxiety to "bring it" and then taunt it's sissy-ass to give you even more because you're not going anyway and you can handle it!

As with anything, it takes practice and repetition to master the skills.  And, since anxiety and panic attacks are fostered in the "old brain" (the part that handles the subconscious/habits), it is critical to repeatedly apply the new strategies to anxiety symptoms so that it will eventually become habitual and much easier to apply in true panic situations.

I asked her how often she was talking, thinking her response would be about 5-10 minutes a day, 4-5 times a day. Nope! It was more like 45-90 minutes a day, every day! Now, that being said, she's aware that it's probably not realistic to start out with that but to do what you can at first.  Two key things to keep in mind when practicing:
                  * Do NOT stop or flee at the height of anxiety (this will only reinforce the "fight or flight"
                      response and maintain a defeatist stance against anxiety)
                  *Your anxiety level should be between a 5 and 8 on a scale of 1-10 for practice sessions (you  
                     don't have to reach a full blown panic attack)

As I sat in her office, we tried to "bring on" sensations of a panic attack.  I was running in place and jumping around to increase my heart rate and breathing and spinning in a chair to bring about dizziness.  The problem was, since I knew that the bodily sensations were congruent with the situation, they didn't scare me.

So, I was sent home with homework to practice some skills each day.  Since the symptom I most experience (and hate) during a panic attack is the  sensation that I can't breathe, we decided I should practice inducing that. One idea she had was to practice breathing through a straw.  Another thing I don't like is feeling claustrophobic, which brings us back to the closet.  "Go into your closet and practice staying there, even when you want to run out screaming," she devilishly suggested.

So, determined to attack that anxiety, I did just that.  I came home to an empty house and decided it was the perfect time to practice.  That way, I wouldn't feel silly if I flipped out since no one would see it.  I bravely stepped into my closet and waited.  I didn't have to wait long to feel my heart beating fast, my throat and chest tightening, and a general feeling of "get me the hell out of here!"  I also started to feel hot, dizzy, and like I was going to faint.  Suddenly, I was regretting my choice to do this with no witnesses around.  How would they ever find me if I passed out? Why would they think to look in the closet? What if when I tried to get out the door was stuck and I couldn't?



As quickly as these thoughts entered my head, I quickly "distanced myself" from them, as I had been taught.  I said things like, "Okay Dani, I feel that your heart is beating fast and you feel like you can't breathe.  Well, this is not a great feeling for sure, but it's not dangerous. And, don't forget that if you do faint, you're in a closet so all those soft clothes and pretty shoes will break your fall." I also kept eye on my watch and told myself I had to do it for at least 30 seconds.  I lasted about 5 minutes! To be fair, I could have lasted longer, but I was hot, bored, and hungry....much better sensations that those brought by a panic attack so I took those as a success! Now I can say, I survived being in the closet and I came out stronger for doing so! :)


4 comments:

  1. Yay for success! Keep it up girl :D

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    1. Thanks, friend...thanks for reading! : )

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  2. Dani, I am bookmarking this blog. Although my symptoms aren't exact in the textbook sense, the advice I get is VERY similar as well. It all started back in my WMC days as well. Thanks for your concise documentation of what helps you out, it helps me out too :-)

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    1. Thanks for reading and sharing, Andrew! Hope at least something I write may be of value to you : ) and please feel free to share anything you have found helpful!

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