I'm going to Disneyland!!!

I'm sitting in my hotel room in Guatemala City, waiting to head to the airport and to the states after almost a year away. I am full of emotion--excited, sad, anxious, tired, etc.

After living in such a peaceful, easy-going town where I walk everywhere and my food store is the size of my bedroom back home, the thought of heading to congested highways and super-sized grocery stores can seem a bit overwhelming. 

I arrived in Guatemala City yesterday and stopped at Tikal futuro mall for lunch in the food court. Walking in the mall (and seeing Xmas decorations) immediately created anxiety rising in me.

I still remember when I came back to the USA after living for almost 3 years in Paraguay. The first time I went to the grocery store, I walked in and immediately back out. It was too much. Later, I went to the mall with my mom (it was also Christmas time and very crowded). I've never enjoyed malls so I'm not sure why I thought that would be a good idea. This time, I only made it as far as the parking lot, saw the cars, imagined all the crowds, and had mom drive me home. Hello reverse culture shock!

Last but not least, Im anxious about the flights. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year now but the memory of my attack during a flight is still very fresh and scary. It's been awhile since I've had to practice my calming techniques so I hope I remember them. Plus, in true San Marcos style, I now have my trusty crystals with me to hold on the plane, should I need them.

And while I'm nervous about the culture shock, I think it's eased by remembering that I'm only visiting and by focusing on the positive things I'm looking forward to. The obvious, and most important reasons, being seeing my family and friends. But, as my expat friends and I like to discuss, going home is like going to Disneyland. Working, hot, showers! Clean, soft bedding! Here is my list of stateside goods I'm looking forward to most:

1. Showers! Hot ones, long ones, ones with two nozzles to adjust the temperature, ones with enough pressure to wet my hair and rinse the soap off my body, ones without mosquitoes biting me during it, ones where I know there will be water coming out when I turn it on.

2. Baths!!!! 

3. Eating a meal without checking for ants in every bite and every honey pour.

4. Fresh, organic, salads (that I don't have to disinfect first).

5. Washing machines and dryers!

6. Not feeling like I'm constantly being ripped off because of the color of my skin.

7. Washing my toothbrush holder and water bottle straw in the dish washer (I brought them on this trip specifically for this reason).

8. Thai food, fish tacos, Mexican food, chocolate-covered cashews, pizza slices, gelato, more salads, and fresh salmon.

9. Having a car. I'm actually a bit nervous to drive, but look forward to the freedom of it.

10. Target. I'm looking forward to one-stop shopping and not having to go all over the country (literally) to complete a shopping list.

11. Salt shakers that work.

12. No bugs, scorpions, critters, etc. crawling on me in bed or any other time.

13. Sinks with cold and hot water. And ones that have an endless supply of water and are never turned off.

15. Throwing toilet paper in the toilet and not having to burn it.

16. Watching movies on anything other than a computer or iPod screen.

17. Radios.

18. Running new routes, on a track, and gyms( spinning, body pump, swimming)!!!!

19. Sharing the love of my friends and family!!!

***UPDATE: 20. And how could I forget perhaps the most important one....sitting on a REAL SOFA!!!! I'm loving life in the USA on my comfy sofa right now! : )