I'm preparing myself for a trip "home" to the USA after almost a year away (this time around). I've spent most of my adult life (and formative teenage years) living/spending significant chunks of time abroad. While I'm grateful for each and every experience I've had, both at "home" and abroad, the inner processes I've been through because of them sometimes leave me feeling like I don't fit in anywhere.
I don't ever feel like I fit in in the USA because it's hard to relate to those people who have not lived overseas. This is especially tough when it's your own family and friends and you care about them and love them so much, yet find it really hard to relate to them at times. And while I often feel more at home living overseas, I'm still never truly "one of them." I've had this discussion with several "travel friends/fellow ex-patriates" and it's something we seem to all relate to. It's what can bond us together instantly and can keep boundaries up with people sometimes considered closest to us, if we know they just "won't get it."
All of this can lead to a bit of a cultural identity crisis that's hard to explain. I recently read a blog post that put the process into simple terms and wanted to share it here. I think it's a nice follow up to my most recent post, "Unintentional Cultural Exchanges," as well. What do you think?
**************************
I am a triangle and other thoughts on repatriation
I’ve been talking an awful lot to people who know what it’s like to repatriate. I’ve also been completely hiding that part of my life from people who don’t know what it’s like to repatriate.
It’s kind of like. Um. It’s similar to, huh. Maybe you could liken it to ….You know, I can’t think of a similar situation, experience.
It’s a secret that isn’t a secret.
It’s a piece of my life that I keep to myself unless I know the person I’m sharing it with will understand...What I’m about to share with you is
one of the illustrations that were shared at a retreat she recently
went to... De-Brief and Renewal Retreat by
Missionary Training International for missionaries living overseas. The
following is my adaptation (including my basic Sharpie drawings) of an
illustration that was shared at that retreat...found it to be a
helpful tool for me as I flailed my way through repatriation and the
reality that we are forever changed from our experience of living
abroad.
* * *
Imagine
a place called Circle Country. Everyone who lives inside of its borders
are Circle Citizens. The Circle Country has very specific culture,
holidays, celebrations, food preferences, a language that is unique to
them as well as music, education and political categories.
Let’s
also talk about Square Society. Everyone who lives inside of its
borders are Square Settlers. The Square Society also has the culture,
holidays, celebrations, food preferences (and on and on) as the Circle
Country, but they are completely different.
One
day, a Circle Citizen got on a plane and flew to Square Society. That
Circle landed squarely (pun intended) in the middle of the Square
Settlers and their Square Culture.
Circle
Citizen now lives in the midst of Square Settlers, and he or she may
adapt to a degree, but will never become a truly Square Settler. At the
same time, this Circle Citizen will also start to lose a bit of his/her
Circle culture.
The normal circle things
start to blend together with the new square culture. The major holidays
in Circle Country might dissipate a bit to allow for the celebration of
Square festivals.
Favorite comfort foods that
remind her of Circle Country give way to the acceptance of new Square
foods. The Circle culture never quite gives way to the new Square norms
and at the same time doesn’t go away completely either.
He
or she slowly — and seemingly unconsciously — evolves into something
completely different. The transformation to a Triangle Tenant begins. Being a Triangle means you have some of your original Circle culture mixed with some of your newly adopted Square culture.
You are no longer 100% Circle, but you’ll never again be 100% Square. You are left — almost hanging — somewhere in the middle.
Now,
imagine that after some time, this Triangle Tenant hops on yet another
plane and returns to Circle Country. This Triangle doesn’t revert to the
previous Circle status just because he has landed home. This Triangle
remains forever a Triangle.
I will always be a Triangle.
As
I find myself back in Circle Country, the good ole’ US of A, so far,
I’ve found that I am mostly surrounded by Circles. Folks who haven’t
ventured too far out of the Circle boundaries.
I
still don’t quite know where I fit in. My “pointy parts” don’t blend in
so well with the smooth edges of the circles. My time amongst squares
leaves me with memories that will stay forever, yet there are pieces of
that culture that I am thankful to not have as part of my own.
Interestingly
enough, there is a fourth shape that enters this discussion. If a child
(in their developmental years such as our two youngest were), follows
his or her parents from Circle Country to Square Society, he or she will
become — not a Triangle Tenant, like the adult parent, but a Star. They
will be a Star with multiple points of reference when considering where
they are from, what they believe in, what foods they like, and how they
see the world.
They will always be Stars.
What do you think? Does this help to put into real terms what it’s like to enter and re-enter different cultures?
I’m happy to be a Triangle and all shapes are welcome at the playground, but it’s nice to have some solid ways to view the process of culture adaptation and what it does to a human being.
Original Source: https://medium.com/repatriation-after-the-shipment-is-unpacked/3b9fd76169f2
No comments:
Post a Comment